Welcome To The Season Of Sex Dolls!


For some weeks now, sex doll has been a hot topic on social media. Initially, I wasn’t so much into it until Kamilu and Joromi started making noise about it. You know how mothers are good at turning their toddler’s tantrums into soulful music in their heads. I did the same last week with Kamilu and Joromi when they started shrieking, screaming and hollering over sex toys but it didn’t work. However, here are their arguments on sex dolls.

Kamilu: Joromi I am tired of your line arguments. They are not making any sense to me. I remembered last year you were fighting a war with your wife because she was using a sex toy and suddenly you too want to order for a sex doll now…I don’t understand you at all.

Joromi: It is a man’s world and I will do as I please. I am super excited about the sex dolls because I will no longer be at the mercy of my wife. Every time she complains about a headache when it is time to get down and with a sex doll, I will not bother arguing with her. I will jejely go into my safe haven to pleasure myself…oh!lala!!.

Kamilu: But do you know how much it costs? It is not for poor men like you Joromi! A sex doll costs N800,000.00. How much is your salary?

Joromi: My problem with you Kamilu is that you never see the bright side of life. How much was iPhone when it first came into the country? iPhones are now everywhere, all thanks to our Igbo brothers, they looked for a way out and brought the tokunbo…so I am waiting patiently for the price slash….

Kamilu: Tokunbo sex dolls! So you can use a fairly used sex dolls?

Joromi: Let me educate you a bit about this amazing invention first before you start screaming your ignorant self into a hoarse.

Sex dolls were first made by Dutch sailors in the 17th century and it is in size and shape of a woman to aid masturbation. Sex dolls may consist of an entire body with a face or just a head, pelvis or other partial bodies and they come with accessories like vagina, anus, mouth and the likes for sexual stimulations. I was told that they come with extra accessories in case there is a damage too.

Kamilu: That’s enough! By saying accessories you mean like spare parts? Angel Gabriel! When are you going to blow the trumpet now? My ears are hearing sacrilegious things these days! Very soon we will have those parts at Ladipo abi? But Joromi, these sex dolls isn’t it the ploy of the devil to replace women? Can it cook, clean, talk and give warmth like a woman can do?

Joromi: Now you are bringing God into our discussion? Aren’t you the one who made the rules that we shouldn’t be bringing religion into our discussions? Can vibrators cook and clean? Moreover, it is called sex dolls and so they were not created to function that way.

However, what is the point of spending so much on women that you are not even sure about their loyalty? For the sex dolls, it is different, you have a control and can decide to keep them under locks and keys.

Kamilu: I heard guys are now coming together to contribute money to buy so they can share. Is that true? Men who can’t share their wives and girlfriends with other men are now willing to share sex dolls? Very soon men will start contributing money to share bride prices so they can share women… tueh! What a perverted generation!

Joromi: At least if you are sharing for any reason it is going to be with consent not that someone will just creep into your matrimonial bed like a thief in the night. Moreover there are so many ladies who can’t cook and clean.

To save their lives they are not better than these new techy sexy dolls. Kamilu! There is nothing you can tell me, sex doll is bae joor!!

Kamilu: But aren’t you guys sensitive, most especially the married men? Don’t you think about the feelings of your women? Don’t you think they will feel threatened?

Joromi: That is very laughable. How can a woman be jealous of a non-living thing? For people who are not married, it is even a great invention too, no sexually transmitted diseases, no pregnancy and it is damn free.

Even married women will prefer this to a side chic. You guys should stop blowing your fuse over the most beautiful thing has ever happened to all men in my generation.

I think in the next election our politicians can add it to their campaign, they should tag it like this; “Sex dolls for all in the year 2019” believe me they will get many votes.

Kamilu: That’s a joke right? Since sex dolls can’t cook and clean, can they laugh at your jokes or remember your birthdays? Let us be a little realistic here, this thing is only a fad that will fade away after the craze. Una eyes go soon clear and you will all run back to your wives and girlfriends.
Joromi: whether it is a fad or not, owning a sex doll for many of us is just a way of spicing up our sex life and bringing all our sexual fantasies into realities.

Kamilu: But have you given this a thought, what if men become used to having these dolls who are programmed only to meet their precise sexual appetites? How will they interact later with women who have a mind of their own? If you are used to having your sex dolls do you do your bid at any time? Will you also expect complete dominance in your relationship with your spouse? Aren’t you sending wrong signals to your brain cells?

Joromi: Nna na wa oh! I didn’t know you have turned to a scientist oh all because of sex dolls.

Kamilu: You told me earlier to put religion out of this, now I am talking about the scientific realities of what these things can do to the mind you are looking at me one kind. Hian! Answer my questions because I am afraid for the generation coming right after us.

When they see sex dolls as a common phenomenon they might see brutally selfish sex as desirable and achievable.

Or are you going to tell me that having sex with a doll can be consensual? Is any sexual relationship healthy if it’s only ever about one person’s pleasure?

Joromi: I think you have a problem, Kamilu…..

Kamilu: Not at all, before you guys get very engrossed in this animalistic habit, I think there is a need for us to ask ourselves some questions. I don’t just jump into a moving train, I like to tread cautiously and ask questions before I go into anything.

Joromi: Are you now saying we should start agitating for the rights of sex dolls too?

Kamilu: Of course Joromi, you know that is not what I was saying and you are only being mischievous. My fears are for the future, what kind of sex will become normal within our human societies if we start having sex with dolls?

Joromi: I don’t care about the future, what I care about is now and I am happy I have found an alternative. Let me go and start my ajo(thrift) for the year because I am getting one sex doll very soon and I am going to throw a loud party when I do.

Kamilu: Hmmm…. I wish you all the best.

Although, I really don’t care what people do in between the sheets to get pleasures, but my question is why do some people find the idea of dominating a partner attractive? But if we can’t find answers to this question, I am afraid sex dolls will be flooding the Nigerian markets soon. Welcome everyone as we are gradually being ushered into an era of sex dolls!